6 Types of Conversations Can Transform Your Life

How many conversations do you engage in on the course of your day, your week, you month, your year and your life? The number is countless. Conversions affect us whether we want it or not, like it or not, aware of it or not. They do. They affect our thoughts, our perceptions, our feelings, our moods, our characters and most importantly they gradually shape our fate. The good news is, we can start engage in conversations intentionally in order to create the future we wish for and the one we never dared to dream of.

Coaching Conversations

Coaching is a conversation. A dialogue between two persons; the Coach and the client. However, it isn’t like the conversation between friends over a cup of coffee. It’s a conversation focused on a desired outcome, a change the client is aiming to realise.

Benefits of Coaching Conversations

One of the great things in a coaching conversation is the awareness it brings to the client; the ‘What’. What does he/she wants to change, not the effects, but the root causes.

I want to become more productive’ is one of the common desires of my clients. Would this be the ‘What’? Absolutely not. If we start the Coaching conversation here, the session will be superficial and change is doubted to happen. Not being productive is just an effect. During the fierce conversation we carry we start exploring and digging till we get to the heart of things. Causes might vary between lack of motivation or purpose, laziness, lack of skills, low self-confidence, limiting beliefs and the list goes on. By exploring the ‘What’ the client moves to higher levels of awareness about himself.

The Challenging Dialogue

As soon as we get clear about the ‘What’ an adventurous journey begins inside the client’s world. We start exploring the why, the how, the when, the where, the whom, the possible steps and strategies, the resources, the obstacles and the ethical dimension of what he desires to achieve. Though it sounds simple, it isn’t. The client gets challenged and starts to search for answers within the chambers of his mind, often surprised by questions he never thought of and frames of references he wasn’t attentive to.

Types of Coaching Conversations

Coaching Conversations are driven by an outcome the client wants to achieve. Hence, the type of conversation varies based on the type of outcome. There are 6 types of coaching conversations:

1- Clarity 

To explore, discover or reduce confusion about certain matters.

2- Decision

To make commitment to a certain goal.

3- Planning

To develop a strategy, a mind map or a checklist to reach an outcome.

4- Resourcing

To access needed resources, to experience a resource or to invent one.

5- Change

To improve, change, alter or transform a behaviour, a belief, an understanding or a sense of identity.

6- Confrontation

To bring something unpleasant to the client’s awareness to facilitate his generative change.

Which types of conversation do you engage in in your daily life and to which extent do they serve you in becoming happier and more fulfilled? The life you daydream of is right around the corner. Reach out for it. Start engaging in purposeful conversations. Do it intentionally.

 

#FabulousVeilsNovel#Book Review

“As a non-Egyptian non-Arabic speaker, I am grateful to have an opportunity to learn about some of the struggles Egyptian women face. I also commend Iman for being brave to discuss these issues about women, sexuality, religion, and poverty that are perhaps seen as taboo subjects, for Egyptians and non-Egyptians, academics and non-academics, women and men. Honestly, it is important to discuss these issues. I am sure that many people might criticize this novel, as they have done for similar novels in the past, that expose what may be the worst of the worst in this amazing country. But, though it pained me to read many of the horrible acts these women were put through, as a woman, I can understand how it is precisely the silence and the fears instilled by men and women over other men and women that allow such acts to continue, and though they may not be happening to a large majority of the population, it is still important if it happens to just one person.”

Are You Aware that You Aren’t Aware?

Labelling. How many labels were attached to you during the course of your living? Fat, stupid, shy, unorganised, mean..the examples are limitless. And sadly, most of us start getting labelled from our childhood.

After my latest service visit with a group of my students I went home with a ghosted mind. It wasn’t the poverty, the sicknesses or the horrible living conditions that shacked me this time. It was the frames.

My son was just telling me that he doesn’t care about the trip, all he wished for was to have his father alive,” the widow declared. Suppressing my tears and trying to balance between sounding strong and empathetic I asked: “What’s the relation between the trip and his father who passed away five years ago?” “The trip was organised to celebrate the ‘Orphans’ Day’. And he no longer wants to hear this word,” she explained. It was my first time to see it that way. I thought that labelling was limited to negative attributes people associate to us and we grow believing it’s our reality. What I never considered was that the reality itself might become a label which hurts, frustrates and angers us.

The nine-years-old boy’s story occupied the back of my mind for days. I caught myself many times thinking of him and his future. Growing up in a place where people would care for him because he’s an orphan and while he feels stabbed because of this reality, would he ever be able to find peace?

I started to think of Fatma, one of my main characters in Fabulous Veils. ‘The pirate’, her husband called her after she lost an eye due to his domestic violence. How did this label affect her? She never shared this part of her true story. Was she experiencing similar emotions like the orphan we visited? Would this word be the straw that breaks the camel’s back?

My action-oriented-mind started to wander. Sending letters to people in powerful positions was one of the ideas I got. Begging them to change the titles of the Orphans’ Day, the Mother’s Day, the Cancer Patients Day, the People with Disabilities Day and any title that would frame people’s minds and entrap their souls. “Labels distort people’s reality and create deformed versions of the beautiful human beings they were meant to become,” my inner voice shouted.

Are we aware of the impact of our words on others? Words, not labels, not insults, just words which we consider neutral while they aren’t? ‘Human’ would be the one label I would assign to a child, an adult, a day.. this is the way I choose to see others, my Fabulous Veils characters and my days on planet Earth.

Every human has something to offer this world; the question is will we create a society that can see everyone’s worth?” – Michael T. Coe

 

6 Frames for Better Thinking – Part 4

Consciously prepare your mind to notice different aspects of the information and to get far more value of it. It isn’t easy yet it’s simple. It’s skill you can develop by practice. And while becoming a conscious thinker pay attention to your mind. Pay attention to your perceptions and notice how often does your mind trick you.

De Bono explained how 90% of the errors of thinking are errors of attention. Here are some tricks your mind plays:

  • Jumping to a perceptual conclusion (good or bad) as soon as possible.
  • Seeking to fill in the details as seen through this initial perception.
  • Distorting the information it’s getting in order to match its own perception.

Thinking isn’t enough. In order to become better human beings, family members and community members we need to be equipped with tools and to practice using them for the best of our personal lives and humanity.