Love, is it a source of happiness or distress? Years ago I read that love was the reason behind them both. That if we analysed the main cause for people’s suffer and dig deeply we’ll figure out that it’s due to lack of love.
In a previous article on Self-love I quoted Oprah’s words: “Your life is a journey of learning to love yourself first and then extending that love to others in every encounter.” This time I quote her same words while focusing on ‘extending that love to others”.
How to Extend Love to Others?
Though we’re social beings, in our formal education we might have been taught how to develop social skills, how to work in teams, how to show respect for others, yet we’re never taught how to extend our love, how to express it.
Gary Chapman, in his book ‘The Five Love Languages’, explains that: “Psychologists have concluded that the need to feel loved is a primary human emotional need. Child psychologists affirm that every child has certain basic emotional needs that must be met if he is to be emotionally stable. Among these emotional needs, none is more basic than the need for love and affection. With an adequate supply of affection, the child will likely develop into a responsible adult. Without that love, he or she will be emotionally and socially retarded.”
The Five Love Languages…
In his bestselling book Chapman introduced five ways to express our love to others, to fill their ‘love tanks’, to fulfil their most basic need. Our choice for the language won’t be based on the one we prefer or we master, it’ll be based on the language our beloved ones prefer and need. The languages are:
1- Words of affirmation
2- Quality time
4- Acts of Service
5- Physical touch
Speaking the Wrong Language..
To fill people’s emotional love tanks, it’s essential to use their own language. Imagine someone speaking to you Chinese while you can only speak French and English, would you be able to comprehend his message? The same goes for love. The message won’t be received.
In my novel, Fabulous Veils, the three main characters loved their daughters, however, they were unable to fill their emotional love tanks. They spoke incomprehensible languages. Had they communicated with them, asked them how they needed to be loved, which language they preferred, not only the novel would have taken a different detour, their destinies would have altered too. They would have likely developed into responsible stable adults.