Misconceptions. ‘Be a candle to light people’s lives.’ What happens to candles? They burn out and dissolve offering no more light. While candles differ in the survival period, they all end up by vanishing. Why having to be candle, sacrificing oneself to matter in people’s lives. Why not being a sun or a moon? Why not being a light bulb? What’s the metaphor of the candle. The answer is misconception.
I grew up to believe that the non-working mother is better than the working one. The first, by logic, had more time for her family and was devoted. I was raised that the good wife suppresses her feelings and denies her needs to allow a smooth sailing for the boat of marriage. I was conditioned that girls were created to get married, obey husbands and raise children and that the female who doesn’t complete this cycle will live in constant agony and will be considered incomplete.
“You have to keep your cup full,” claimed Oprah Winfrey. Which cup and why? Why do we have to keep our cup full?, I wondered. The cup is the cup of oneself, of self-love. To lighten up others’ lives, females need to be happy and feel fulfilled. And how is that supposed to happen if they were raised to believe that they are candles, created to be burnt out for others to flourish?
Reflecting on my journey of chasing my dream I wished I had the ability to climb a mountain and stand on its top and scream out loud. I dreamt to have my voice reaching every single female on our planet earth. Urging her to reexamine her beliefs and chase her dreams. Sharing with her my story and showing her how standing for my dream filled my cup and affected the lives of the people I dealt with in all my circles, not only my closest one, but all.
Giving up on our dreams for others is the ‘selfish’ act. The selfish act practiced by us towards ourselves and by others towards us. Expecting from us to be candles is a clear evidence that they don’t love us, but only love themselves.
Standing for our dreams, from my perspective, is a selfless act. It’s an action of love for our community and our world. We were created for a reason and a purpose and living our lives as candles doesn’t demonstrate our heroism. It proves how we were brainwashed since our childhood. While living for our dreams is the heroic act; it requires commitment, persistence, courage and self-discipline.
A mother who chases her dreams inspires her children to dream big and exhibit courage. The key is in balancing between priorities and putting first things first. Not in denying oneself, but in embracing oneself fully and unconditionally.