“I don’t like to be punished. It makes me feel bad and more resistant to obey.” As a parent, I always tried my best to raise my children to become committed and disciplined human beings. I went on putting rules, systems and routines and asked them to follow them for their own benefits. I expected from them to follow the rules all the time, and I mean ALL the time. The consequences were clear, you obey you get rewarded, you disobey you get punished. Last year, my daughter and I went through a tough period. We disagreed frequently, I got angry so often and something in the air smelt different. ‘Teenage’ I thought this was it till she communicated her nature and explained how she needed to be nurtured. “I like to be praised, to hear encouraging words even for the little good things I do. This motivates me to give more and act better.” Her words reminded me with something I had read before on catching our children doing the right things instead of always scolding them for what went wrong. My daughter’s words echoed in my head. Her bitter voice urged me to reexamine my parenting strategies. I decided to consult a Counselor to ensure that not punishing her bad behaviours wouldn’t let her become spoiled nor undisciplined.
My apple pie still do mistakes, like us all; a human being with flaws and limitations. I no longer expect from her to be perfect and I try my best to help her become a confident and happy person. I work on developing her intrinsic motivation and her ultimate reward is her own progress and development.
What motivates you? Do you understand your own nature? What makes you eager to give the best of you?